This Is Not My Mother’s Wonderful Wizard of Oz

From the Guardian newspaper:

After Dorothy had been walking for an hour, she came across a Scarecrow that winked at her. "Are you alive?" she asked.

"Of course I am."

"Then why don't you move?"

"Because I've got a pole rammed up my arse."

This comes in a series of “Digested Classics” by John Crace. This one may not have fully agreed with him.